


Star Filled Skies

by IAm_A_AnonymousWriter



Category: No Fandom
Genre: Anxiety, Coping, Depression, Heartbreak, Mental Health Issues, Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-13
Updated: 2019-02-11
Packaged: 2019-06-30 19:32:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15758241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IAm_A_AnonymousWriter/pseuds/IAm_A_AnonymousWriter
Summary: Just a way for me to cope, and let my feeling out.





	1. Watching the Night Sky.

**Author's Note:**

> This is all mine, this is my healthy coping mechanism. So yeah.

I look over at him, I want to remember every single detail. The way his hair was always messy, to the bags under his eyes from lack of sleep, the way his eyes shined when he talked about the things he loved. I want to remember it all. Even if it means that he forgets me in the process. After all I do seem to blend, no one will really notice if I am gone. If I just disappear today, who will really notice that I am gone. To everyone else, I am just a girl. That smiles to big, laughs to much, talks to loud, and tells the horrible honest truth.

If he forgets me, everything I worked for: making him smile everyday, getting him to laugh everyday, and knowing he was "happy". All the work goes right to the trash. I wouldn't be surprised if he forgets me. Everyone does at some point. I want to remember him, I will remember him. I always remember those who leave me. You get used to it after a while. Y'know? I care about you, and I love you. Even though I know he doesn't love me, that doesn't stop me from loving him. And no matter how hard I try, I cannot stop loving him. Every night, when we text I rewrite my messages over and over. I want them to be perfect, like you. I don't want you to think I'm stupid, I want you to try and love me. But you said it yourself, the thought of love doesn't really exist. You don't think you'll ever be in love. And that's okay, at least I know not to try so hard.  

But that doesn't mean I can't dream. I dream that I will break that shell, and get you to love me. I imagine that everyday, getting you to love me. I think about what it would be like, having you love me. I think about that while I count the stars in the night sky, knowing that your under the same moon, the same stars, and the same sky. I think about it, while I try to remember every little thing about you. 


	2. Star Gazing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A really deep personal moment.

I remember looking up at the stars, it was cold. But then again, it's always cold during the winter time. I remember waiting for you, sitting on the bench in the garden. The stars were surprisingly bright that night. Like it was a sign. I remember thinking that it was a good sign, then my phone chimed. You had messaged me again, saying you were almost there.

When you got there, it felt slightly warmer. As if you could possibly radiate heat in such cold weather. My face was red from the cold, and I could barely feel my toes. I remember running into your arms, hugging you because I didn't want to lose you. That should've been the first sign, you didn't hug me as tightly as I hugged you. ~~But I didn't pay attention at all.~~

I remember you titling my head up to face you, and looking into your eyes. Those eyes that made feel like I was flying, I loved those eyes. I remember you kissing me ever so gently. Even in the cold of winter, my heart burned with love for you. But for you, it was only a mere flicker. Once the kiss was over, we sat there. 

I remember you and me, sitting on the bench, looking up at the stars. 


	3. Lucid Dreaming

On the nights that I lucid dream, I lay there. I tell myself that it's important to relax, and to keep calm. While I lay there I remember the good things, because they tend to help me unwind. And if you don't go into your dream state relaxed you can freak yourself out. Which might cause a nightmare, or even worse sleep paralysis. ~~(I've learned that lesson the hard way.)~~

When I finally enter my dream state, it's like landing on a soft pillow to me. But there is a person catching me, it's him. He is there to catch me. He lets me know that he's here now. It's sad in the sense that I need to dream about him. Because, I see him in real life. But sadly... he forgot me. Now I mean nothing to him anymore, and all my hard work went for nothing. We kissed one time, and it was like I was flying. It was better than my first kiss, it felt like all my kisses before that never happened. Because he made me feel like... nothing bad ever happened. 

But he left, and now he just sees me around. I'm nothing to him anymore. Which hurts me deeply, because I wanted to mean everything to him. Cause that's what he was for me. I missed what we had, the late-night facetime calls, being able to text him all day and have him respond right away. Have someone to make me feel better, to be there for someone who wanted me. 

Now all I can do is remember our relationship in my dreams. I can attempt to relive those beautiful memories. But none of that helps me, cause it makes it hurt even more. But I imagine what it would be like if none of the bad ever happened. I dream about what could've been. But never was. But then I start to freak myself out, because soon the image of him starts to turn into something else. He turns into a monster, because all of the pain starts to come out. He turns into the person that he is now, and my dream then turns into a nightmare. I freak out, because I an hear him _**shouting, SCREAMING**_   the painful words. And it breaks me, all around there is nothing but him screaming. And I feel like I can't do anything about it. I scream and cry, I try to block him out. 

 

On the nights that I lucid dream, I lay there. Tears streaming down my face, frozen in place, and feeling a gaping hole in my chest


End file.
